Bluegrass Theology

I've been obsessed with the song "Reasons Why" by Nickel Creek for a while now. Even before I began to recognize the meaning of the lyrics, I enjoyed the melody, the harmonies, and the talent with which the song is executed. However, I've come be struck by the truth expressed by the words of the song, and I easily identify with that truth, even though it's quite convicting.

Where am I today, I wish that I knew,

'cause looking around there's no sign of you.

I don't remember one jump or one leap,

just quiet steps away from your lead.

Do we ever recognize our drift away from the Lord? It seems that the thing that makes us realize that we've strayed is a feeling of lostness that comes only when we've already gone too far. "Quiet steps" are incredibly dangerous things.

I'm holding my heart out, but clutching it too.

Feeling this sort of the love that we once knew.

I often feel myself echoing Augustine's prayer of "Lord, make me chaste - but not yet!" I would like to say that I realize the radical depth of a commitment to Christ, a commitment that touches and radically transforms every aspect of life, but I must admit that I'm frightened of that commitment. I'm often unsure that I'm truly willing to empty myself of myself in order to be filled by Christ, but the intimation and ghost of the love that could be if I surrender myself persists in convicting me of how necessary that surrender is.

Calling this a home when it's not even close.

Playing the role with nerves left exposed.

I confess that I'm not yet sure I understand these lines, and on that about which we cannot speak, we must remain silent.

Standing on a darkened stage,

Stumbling through the lines.

Others have excuses,

I have my reasons why.

In light of the drifting and reluctance mentioned above, we cannot but be left half-heartedly muttering the lines of the Christian life, sensing that there must be truth, though the truth is not expressed with conviction. We assure ourselves, however, that we must not be in the wrong; there cannot be an empty excuse behind this void, and we rationalize it in order to take responsibility off of ourselves.

We get distracted by dreams of our own,

but nobody's happy when feeling alone.

Self-serving only results in a vacuous feeling. Egoism breeds emptiness.

Knowing how hard it hurts when we fall,

we lean another ladder against the wrong wall,

The wrong walls in my life are multifarious. Status, pleasure, and, most of all, myself; though I may recognize that pursuing these things for themselves will only result in pain and failure, I cannot but rely on them.

And climb high, to the highest rung,

to shake fists at the sky.

Others have excuses,

I have my reasons why.

Absorbed in the wrong things, it is tempting to feel anger at God for the emptiness that I feel. I realize that my self-absorption is the cause of my loneliness and pain, but I still cling to it instead of coming back down from the ladder.

With so much deception,

it's hard not to wander away.

Deception assaults us from all fronts, but I find the greatest danger to be the self-deception of seeking satisfaction and strength in anything other than Christ.

This song is a call to stop seeking things that I know will leave me angry and despairing, and to leave off attempting to rationalize a perception of my depravity. Once I do that, I cannot but turn to Christ and regain life to the fullest. Turning to myself and giving myself "Reasons Why" is a daily struggle, and seeing that struggle expressed so wonderfully through these lines reminds me to place my trust solely in the Lord.

Here's a link to the song, if you'd care to hear it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRJrNK2pN0M